Infertility doesn’t impact every person in the exact same way.
Consequently, not all men will handle their infertility in a
textbook manner. Some men will bounce back more quickly than others,
and some will seem unaffected by infertility. While their coping
styles may differ from their female counterparts, men nevertheless
experience a range of emotions and must develop a successful way to
process the situation.
Coping Mechanisms
Men utilize a variety of strategies to deal with their infertility.
Often they will focus on other areas of their lives that enhance
their self-esteem. Positive feedback from employers, teammates or
others who recognize their accomplishments may ease the pain of
infertility. Men may also engage in activities to improve their
marriages as a method to compensate for their perceived biological
"failure."
Limited resources for men struggling with
infertility often cause the male partners to handle infertility in
their own way. Women may more readily solicit help from counselors,
friends or family members, but a man may not want to seek outside
support, especially from those he knows.
Some
men deal with the emotions caused by infertility in unhealthy ways,
such as:
Overcompensating in other areas of life,
including work, community involvement or sports.
Completely avoiding any thoughts about
infertility or treatment options.
Suppressing emotions and releasing them
through anger and blame.
Tip: Engage your partner in problem-solving
activities related to infertility treatment, and consider discussing
alternative family-building strategies as healthy means of coping
with the situation.
Dealing with Your Infertility
If you are dealing with infertility, seeking
out assistance can make all the difference. Exercise creates a
positive release for pent-up feelings and energy, providing relief
for the body, mind and spirit. Yoga, running, water sports or other
physical activities give patients a mental break and allow them a
chance to burn off some of the physical angst.
Tip: Counseling, joining a support group,
opening up to a friend or visiting a spiritual advisor may help you
process your thoughts and emotions during this difficult time.
Remember that this journey will hopefully end
with a pregnancy or an adopted child. Along the way, we encourage
couples to keep the channels of communication open so that these
difficulties will strengthen their relationships, rather than tear
them apart.
Where to Find Support
If you struggle with infertility, find healthy,
positive avenues for your emotions. Look for resources that enable
you to express your feelings and deal with the situation in a
positive manner:
Ask your reproductive endocrinologist about
support groups for men struggling with infertility.
Share your thoughts with your partner --
she may feel the same way.
Become informed about male infertility. If
you feel uncomfortable in a library or bookstore, research the
information online.
Tip: Navigating the Internet can be a tricky
proposition. We encourage you to visit sites that we believe offer
reliable, useful information. Check out Coping with Infertility:
A Couple’s Guide for a list of Web sites we recommend.
